Today’s article is the first article from someone else that I am publishing. A very dear friend of mine, Segun Ogungbemi wrote this article and sent it to me. It is perhaps one of the best articles I have ever read, I had to share. Enjoy.
Making Better Decisions
Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough. – Jim Billings
Recently I have been thinking of prioritization and how to deal with the unending requests for my time. I have come to the realization that I am quite the ‘yes’ man. I am in good company because the “inability to say no” syndrome is common.
There is a deep-rooted psychological reason why many people want to avoid saying no. It’s all about avoiding conflict. It’s much easier to say yes than to say no. With no you have to explain to the person why you can’t do the said task, and with that comes the questions, the convincing, the personal discomfort of having to deal with the situation.
The importance of saying ‘No’
As Steve jobs once said, focusing is about saying no.” because if you can’t say no to anyone, you may never be able to focus on the things that matter to you.
Think about it, if you’re helping your colleagues with their tasks, or agreeing to grab a drink, or watching a movie with your significant other you are doing this at the expense of your own work. These are little trickles of yes’es, but over a period of time they will eventually create a huge deviation from your goals.
Saying no is the ultimate self care. When you say no, you control your time. You control what goes into your days. And you get back to being in the driver’s seat of your happiness.
Understanding that if you want to create a path to success, you need to control the things that you do in your daily schedule.
How to say NO
Ury’s “The Yes! No. Yes!? Formula”
In Covey’s book, seven habits of highly effective people, one of the seven habits is “seek first to understand then to be understood.”
Listening is key in any negotiation, and is more important than speaking. William Ury, co-founder of Harvard University’s Program on Negotiation and author of The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes says, “you need to find out the other person’s needs, because you’re trying to get them to accept your ‘No.’ “Listening shows respect and saying no can also be a key word in strategy.”
The core value you want to protect. Your needs; your wants, your desires comes first.
Is saying no to the request that is infringing or overstepping the boundaries of your wants, needs, desires.
Is finding a compromise to the person’s request. This gives the person a warm and fuzzy feeling knowing their needs are also important and you are willing to find some way to help them.
Keeping and maintaining relationships is important both in personal and business ventures. Learning to say no the right way not only helps to strengthen these relationships but more importantly give you back the one commodity that is finite to all of us, time.
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